My Sad October

My grandmother left us last October. When I received the news that morning, that was the saddest day for me. I know it was even more sad for my mum and her sisters as they were very close to their mother. The truth is I am still mourning her passing, that numb feeling of lost somewhere between denial and sorrow. The thought of never be able to spend time or be with her physically deepens that sorrow inside of me. My grandmother or nini, like any maternal grandmother took care of all of us grandchildren when we were young with her unconditional love.  Each one of us have their own special memory of her love . My fondest memory of her was she loves to travel to Singapore, simply to enjoy good food and shopping. Another was her beautiful family lunches of ambuyat, all of us sitting on the straw mat on the floor. She has a good memory and would calculate days to her next check-up or any important dates to her.

In the last couple of years, her health started to deteriorate and with it, her memory too.  But she recognised voices, particularly her children and on her good day, us the grandchildren. It’s impossible to tell you everything I know about my nini but at least you can know of her through me. Know that she was here, know that she helped shape my life. Know that I love her, and will miss her dearly.

As we kiss her our heartfelt last goodbye on that sombre Thursday morning and lay her to her burial ground, I couldn’t help and see how serene and radiant she look as if ready to start on her next journey. May Allah bless her soul. Al-Fatihah……..

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